Grandma Pinkie, as she was called, lived in St. Louis so John and I got to spend some good time with her while we lived there. She was a beautiful and wonderful woman and I am so glad that I got to know her.
John was able to attend the funeral this last weekend and he said it was good for him to be there.
He got back on Sunday and we went to have my first ultrasound yesterday. Unfortunately, we received more sad news. I have had a miscarriage.
I knew it was a possibility since this happens to many women, but I never thought about how difficult it would be to deal with. My life has changed, yet again, and I think this will be a little harder to get used to. It seems that we will have to wait a little longer for baby Z.
We are heartbroken, of course, but trying to be hopeful and faithful.
"Que sera, sera," as Grandma Pinkie often said - what will be, will be.
9 comments:
I am so sorry Rachel. I know we were all excited for you. I had a misscarriage too. It is hard! And that is okay. You lost something dear and special. I had to look at it in a different way for me to feel better. I had to be thankful that my body knew that whatever was growing was not growing correctly. I knew I needed to trust in Heavenly Father. He made our bodies, they are amazing and can heal themselves and procreate- processes that are practically miracles. In a way a miscarriage "cleanses" your system and will be ready again. I had my miscarriage after Dylan and got pregnant right away with Ashlyn. More women have them than don't have them. But that doesn't make it any less meaningful to you! I think it was hard for me because I felt like it did not impact Connor in the same way- I wasn't showing yet, and he didn't feel all the sickness, it wasn't quite so real to him yet. Just know that we love you and so does your Father in Heaven. He always blesses us with what we need, when we need it.
I'm so sorry Rachel. That's so hard. I'll be praying for you.
Thank you for your thoughts and prayers.
Michal - thank you so much for sharing your experience. I am feeling very similarly. I think the Lord has helped me to overcome the fears I had about pregnancy and motherhood. After this experience, I feel only desire and hope instead of fear and doubt.
Rach and John
I am so sorry to hear of your loss! I hope you can find comfort in each others arms as you grieve. It is not easy to understand why this happens and I really wish I could take the pain away.
I am thinking of you both and thank you for reaching out to me and sharing your story.
((HUGS)) and you are right it is an awful "club" to belong to but is comforting to know you are not alone.
Devan @ Accustomed Chaos
http://www.accustomedchaos.com
Rachie, I was so sad when I heard the news. I know it must be a hard thing to go through and that a lot of people can't really understand unless they have gone through a similar experience. We are praying for you and hope that a healthy and strong Baby Z will not be too far away.
We were so sad to hear this news- I can't imagine how tough this must be for you both. Dave and I have been keeping you in our prayers. We love you guys!
I am so very sorry for your loss. I just posted a story today that really helped me in my healing process, I hope it offers you even an ounce of comfort. http://mommyfriend.com/2010/04/30/spirit-baby.aspx
You are not alone, but you are a survivor.
So sad to hear this news. We are praying for you guys,and know that we love you guys very much! Let us know if we can do anything!
I am so glad to hear that you were able to receive at least one blessing from all of this. Desiring a baby really is a blessing.
Post a Comment